Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
