this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
