I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
