you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
