why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
