she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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