I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
