The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Let's paint friendship bongs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
