and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Welp...herpes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
