i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
