I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
