She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
