what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
