Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
