i just wanna soil my oats bro
my phone needs a breathalizer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
