I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
