i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
