Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
