apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
