based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
