I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
