all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
