I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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