I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
