i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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