I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
