someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
