Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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