Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
