Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
