And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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