I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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