i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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