Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
