girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
