I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
