I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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