She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So vagazzling was a success
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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