I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
