Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
