I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
