Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
