OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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