just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
