Im at strip club and am horny
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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