Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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