Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
