That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
