Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
