But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
