im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
