Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
