No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
