So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
two words...techno handjob
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
50% drunk capacity currently
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am one with the molecules
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
